February 21, 2010 Whoring Taught Me About Beauty
One of the main feminist rants I go into with anyone willing to listen to me is our society’s fucking absurd beauty standards. Prostitution shattered my internalization of those standards in 3 ways:
One thing people seem to find upsetting about the idea of whoring is not the exchange of money for sex. It’s not the danger. It’s not even having sex with total strangers. It’s having sex with those deemed ugly.
“I’d do it to if I could just do it with hot guys!”
“But how do you deal with the fat men?”
“Don’t the wrinkly guys gross you out?”
The truth is that it’s… an afterthought. Fat isn’t gross. Wrinkles aren’t gross. I mean, they may not be your thing, but they’re not dirty or even ugly when you really see them. I think most of the time people see projections. They see a fat person and instead of seeing that person they see a symbol for all society TELLS us about fat people. I see a fat person and I see a soft, cozy, or voluptuous body. I remember how safe and comfortable I felt with one of my very overweight customers who was the gentlest person I’ve ever met.
I see wrinkles and I think of how papery soft that skin might be, how delicate. I think of all the experience someone must have accrued in the time it took them to get the wrinkles.
That doesn’t mean I’m attracted to every random thing in my day to day life, but I can see the beauty in whatever I want to see it in when I need to. Maybe that’s the main skill necessary to be a good escort. And you know, it has changed my preferences. I used to think I was only into skinny people, and now I know better. Now I know I just wasn’t allowing myself attraction to anyone who didn’t conform to that.
The most important thing in a customer is respect. If I know I’m safe with a customer, everything else is secondary. What do you think. Would you rather go for a) someone who treats you well or b) someone hot? The sad answer of many folks is b, but a is not expendable in prostitution because “someone who treats you well” can mean “someone who won’t murder you” to an escort.
The second most important thing is hygiene, which is why I’m not afraid to tell guys to brush their teeth and shower before we get going.
My friends who are very well-paid, oft-requested escorts come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. None of them ever find their services in short supply. The people who hire them adore their bodies enough to spend hundreds of dollars an hour on them.
The point? There are multitudes of people fantasizing about and even paying money for bodies that are not the media-pushed ideal. It’s not the trite “There’s someone for everyone” cliche. It’s “there are loads of various, surprising someones attracted to pretty much anyone.”
The way many of my clients look at me. I know I’m being objectified, but the awe in their eyes? It makes me feel like a fucking Renoir.